Compassion and Decluttering
There is a trend in the decluttering world to “conquer” or “attack” clutter. This is not helpful. Compassion is a far healthier choice, and build positive associations with the act of decluttering instead of negative.
We made choices to take these objects into our home. At one time, they filled a void, meant something, served a purpose. Regardless of what we think of that purpose now, we need to respect the choices we made, the emptiness we felt. We need to be gentle with the person we were. We have changed.
The negativity wound up in “attacking” or “conquering” just isn’t helpful during a process that invites deep vulnerability. Memories are being stirred. Emotions are running high. We sift through our belongings, yes, but also a morass of “shoulds” and “musts” that may or may not apply anymore.
Often times we buy things or acquire things during difficult times in life, loss of a job, death in the family, sickness, times of stress, last child leaving home. We often buy things to fill an emptiness. Being hard on the person we were at that time is not just unfair, it is self-cruelty. We buy things to dull pain, to numb or distract us from what is hurting in our lives. The QVC Home Shopping Network and Amazon Prime make it easy to shop when we are too unhappy to leave the house. We bought crap we didn’t need and that ultimately, didn’t make us feel any better.
It isn’t helpful to take a negative attitude towards yourself or the things that have accumulated. There are a lot of things that I like about Dr. Melva Green and Lauren Rosenfeld’s book, “Breathing Room: Open Your Heart by Decluttering Your Home”. The authors are clear that getting negative with your clutter is not the way to clear it effectively:
“You are not in a fight with your clutter. It is not your enemy. It only holds as much energy as you are willing to give it. When we say we are going to attack our clutter, we are saying that our clutter is powerful, and we need to gird ourselves for battle. Our clutter has power over us to the degree we give it power. If we treat it like a strong adversary, we are going to wear ourselves out before we’ve even begun.” [pg. 143]
One of the things that draws me to its pages repeatedly is its focus on decluttering being done from a place of compassion and profound self-care:
“So we need to clear with compassion. For ourselves, yes, but also for our clutter. Rather than thinking of clutter as an enemy that needs to be vanquished, we are going to think of it as a small, lost child who wandered into the wrong place. We can treat it with gentle curiosity (‘Now, how did you get in here?’), quiet honesty (‘You don’t belong here.’), and ultimately a firm hand (‘C’mon. Let’s get you out of here and back where you belong.’).” [pg. 144]
Be compassionate towards the person you were when you bought or allowed the items into your home. Try to enter into the decluttering process with no self-judgment. It isn’t helpful and will likely leave you feeling guilty or shameful around decluttering.
Try this instead: Give thanks to the item for the purpose it served at the time. Release it with gratitude and hopefulness that someone else will find it helpful and that you will have space to move forward in your life.
Clear your Space – Recharge your Self – Direct your Life
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