Moving Cross-Country with Less Stress
Let’s talk about the critical three weeks of moving cross-country: the week before Moving Out day, the cross-country drive with pets and critical worldly goods, and the week after the moving truck arrives as you sort your life into a new abode.
I have to start with a disclaimer: This was NOT a stress-free, tranquil, lavender-scented move. I’m going to share the whole thing with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly (and there was a LOT of ugly). I’m going to show you the places where I fell down on the job of moving cross-country from Los Angeles to Boston and give you some valuable information to help you avoid my mistakes.
The week before, or, “I’m totally in control… right?”
Our packing schedule was going very smoothly. We had worked hard over Labor Day weekend to do the bulk of the packing. (Read about our process here.) We were feeling expansive, even a little smug. Enjoying a goodbye trip to Disneyland, we had no worries about finishing the packing.
Our “goodbye” party was the Saturday before Moving Day. It was casual, so we weren’t stressed about preparing the house or complicated food. It was a simple barbeque with our closest friends. Everything was going great – awesome conversation, lots of interest in the little video I had made about our new home. I was rocking this moving cross-country thing like a boss. As the party started to break up, my best friend was getting ready to leave.
Shit was about to get real.
I walked him to his car, which was some distance away due to a large number of folks that had turned out to say goodbye to us. We talked for the thousandth time about how awesome it was for us to be moving back to the East Coast and how amazing my wife’s new job was. We both agreed again how everything was happening just as it should be. How great a job we had done manifesting this amazing new life.
We were now officially stalling.
And for the first time in this giddy, wild ride away from Los Angeles, I started to cry. I was moving cross-country, thousands of miles away from my soul-brother.
We talked about Jet Blue and visiting and making a conscious choice to be in regular contact. And then, he got in his car and drove away.
Mistake #1 – Stuffing the grief
As I slowly walked back to the party, I swallowed my tears. I told myself that there was absolutely no room for grief because this move was such a wanted and positive thing. I shoved the tears away – somewhere deep inside my body. There was an answering ache in the direction of my left hip, but I brushed it aside as overwork.
Three days later, I was literally screaming in the ER in the most intense pain I have ever experienced. I had developed a full-blown case of acute sciatica. The only way I had any relief from the pain was to lie flat on my back. I was nearly useless for the remainder of the packing process. We were uncertain whether I would be able to sit in the car for the cross-country journey. Would I have to lie in the back seat with the cats? Would I have to stay behind with friends until I was well enough to make the shorter journey by plane?
My grief was real.
It did not diminish the rightness or the joy around the move, but somehow I thought that it did. It was not until two days into the drive a week later (lying flat in the passenger seat) that I allowed myself to really feel the grief.
Saying goodbye is complicated. Moving cross-country is epic. You may feel some grief like I did. You might have other emotions like anger or confusion arise as you prepare to leave one home for another. Whatever the circumstances behind your move, conflicting emotions are to be expected. Be gentle with yourself as they arise, giving yourself time and space to reflect on what information they have to impart. These emotions may help you to realize places where priorities need to be made or where closure is necessary.
Moving Out Day – Settling for “Good Enough”
The early stages of our move had been incredibly organized: logical boxes, correct labeling, etc. After my injury, the packing took on a much more frenetic energy. The last days before the truck came, we were throwing whatever into boxes with labels that loosely described contents… or no labels at all. (And I’m not sure why I am saying “we” – Kelly was doing just about everything at this point while I watched and pointed from the couch.)
I had all these great ideas about what I wanted to do to leave our home in super special shape in gratitude to our awesome landlords for the past four years. I wanted to change shelf paper everywhere, deeply clean every wall, every surface. That was not going to happen. I had cleaned as I packed, so the house was in very good shape, just not what I had planned. I was angry and disappointed.
The day before moving day happened to be my birthday. We had had reservations at my favorite local restaurant, but we had to cancel them because I was physically unable to sit in a chair without screaming. My patient and long-suffering wife picked up takeout and we ate it in our nearly empty house.
Mistake #2 – Holding on to “Shoulds” too long
As I cried tears of frustration and disappointment into my handmade ravioli, Kelly reminded me that we had reached the point of “Good Enough.” I had to let go of the rest. It wasn’t going to be perfect, but it WAS going to be the next step to our new life. The house was clean. The pasta was delicious. It was enough.
As you reach the end of this stage, let “Good Enough” be your mantra. Allow your best efforts to replace your best intentions and lovingly let the rest go.
Moving Cross-Country-A Family Journey
Our family consisted of myself (injured, and lying flat), Kelly (who has to do all of the driving), Tam-Tam (13-year old black cat), Rosie (6-year old black cat), Luna (6-year old long-haired tortoiseshell cat), and Daisy (7-year old small parrot). All of us were jammed into Kelly’s Subaru. We were also towing a U-Haul trailer.
It’s close quarters. The cats are grumpy at being confined in their carriers. I am grumpy from being in pain. Our vet has told us not to drive more than ten hours a day because the cats will not eat, drink or use the box while we are in the car. We have a schedule to keep because we have to meet the moving truck in Boston.
We are all feeling the pressure and the exhaustion.
Good Choice #1 – Provide simple comforts for each traveler
In the case of the cats, “simple comforts” meant bringing the cat quilt that lives on our bed, their beds, and their water fountain. We also used Feliway spray in the carriers before loading up the next day. It really helped. At each stop for the night, we had to unload pets, gear, and luggage into the room and “cat-proof” the room before releasing them from their carriers.
When we were moving cross-country to California six years previously, we learned the hard way not to allow the cats access to the underside of hotel beds. Tam-Tam had taken advantage of a fabric tear to hide up inside the box spring of a king-sized bed. We were not amused and had no intention of allowing her to recreate the experience. So we blocked off the space with pillows, gear, and luggage.
Comfort for us included my robe and slippers (I would normally never travel with these – too bulky), our own pillows and adult beverages to compliment the evening’s takeout menu.
Good Choice #2 – Plan ahead if traveling with pets
Moving Cross-Country Pro-tip: “Pet-Friendly” and “Pet Ready” are not the same thing
Just because a hotel is “pet-friendly”, it doesn’t guarantee that you can stay there with your pets. Some hotels allow dogs, but not cats. Most hotels have a certain number of “pet” rooms designated. When they’re gone, they’re gone. We booked all of our stops ahead, making certain that three cats were ok. We did not want to get to the end of a ten-hour driving day only to be turned away.
“Pet-Friendly” means that the hotel has rooms that they will allow you to stay in with your pet (for a fee). “Pet Ready” means that the room is a specially designed room for pet guests. Tile floors for easy cleanup of stray litter or whatever. Beds on platforms with zero ways to hide underneath. We stayed in one of these at a Best Western in Tucumcari, NM. I wept with joy when I opened the door.
I won’t for a moment say that it was easy on any of us. But with the addition of a few small comforts, it made the trip a little more bearable.
Arrival and Moving-In Day – Create “Limited Chaos Zones”
We arrived at our new home in Boston a week after we had left Los Angeles. Exhausted, we unpacked the trailer and car and settled the cats into a small room. They were confined to this space until our bedroom was set up and deemed safe for them.
We had packed a “Moving Cross-Country Home Camping Kit” with some basics to tide us over until the truck arrived. Here’s what ours contained:
- Air Mattress/Sleeping bags
- Towels/washcloths
- Toilet Paper
- Paper towels
- Basic Cleaners
- Frying Pan
- Saucepan
- Sharp knife
- Spatula/serving spoon
- Measuring cup
- Basic cutlery
- Paper plates/napkins
- Dishtowel
- Dish soap
- Extension cord/power strip
With this kit, we were prepared to wait the full five days of the moving company’s delivery window. Fortunately, we didn’t have to – the truck came the very next day.
We did a Space Clearing and House Blessing that night before the truck arrived. That was a very good choice because the chaos of moving boxes was not a good energy for doing any sensitive energy work.
Good Choice #3 – Retreat Frequently to the Zone
We declared the room with the cats and our sleeping space to be our “Limited Chaos Zone.” The moving foreman put a big tape “X” across the doorway to remind the movers that this was off-limits. When the noise and mess of the movers became too much, we had a retreat space. I needed to use it several times during the day, as I was still struggling to stay upright with my hip pain. The cats and bird were glad for the reassurance, as I’m sure that the sounds outside the door were nothing short of terrifying.
Good Choice #4 – Celebrate what has arrived intact (including YOU!)
After the movers left, we began the long process of unpacking and settling into our new space. Our most precious possessions arrived unscathed with one exception – my sewing machine. It had obviously been turned upside down and had broken off the spindle mechanisms. My sewing machine has been with me since 1989 and has created countless pieces of clothing and quilts. I was pretty upset until Kelly reminded me that I’ve been saying for years that it was time to invest in a machine that could do more of what I wanted to do.
I stayed grumpy for about an hour, but then I started thinking that she might be right. What if this was one bit of breakage that I had actually manifested, nudging me out of my sentimental attachment to an old, ailing machine?
I unpacked every piece of our precious wedding china – all safe. My beloved tea set – safe.
Everything that was truly precious – wife, cats, bird and myself – we had all arrived. Moving cross-country was complete. We were safe and sound. Gratitude replaced all else as we started the next chapter of our lives.
Clear your Space – Recharge your Self – Direct your Life
Read all of the Mindful Moving series of posts:
Empowering the Transition – Part One
Transitional Space Among Chaos – Part Two
Packing With Purpose – Part Three
As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Latest posts by Christina Laberge (see all)
- Scent and Creating Sacred Space at Home - November 28, 2018
- Sacred Sound – Enhance Your Home - November 21, 2018
- Moving Cross-Country with Less Stress - October 4, 2018