Forgiveness-Selfish Wellness Hack
I just finished reading “Forgive for Good” by Dr. Fred Luskin, and I’m still chewing on the concept that choosing forgiveness is making a choice for personal wellness that is so powerful that it can only be described as selfish. He talks about our process of creating “grievance stories” that narrate the tales of hurt, anger, and disappointment in our lives. These grievance stories grow in our minds and take up too much of the hard drive of our emotions and energy. He also talked a great deal about the effects of these grievance stories on our physical well-being, and it became clear to me that the damage was just not worth hanging on to stories that make me feel ill and powerless.
Do we have Control over our Emotions?
One of the key points of the book is the assertion that we have control over our emotions if we choose to exercise it. Exercise is an appropriate word because it takes practice to recognize when a negative emotion has taken hold of us, and we make the choice to turn away from this negative emotion and focus on things that give us feelings of happiness. None of the grievance stories we craft out of our hurts and disappointments give us positive feelings. Add into the equation that these feelings have the potential to cause damage to our physical health, and there is no question left that forgiveness is such a healthy choice that one could regard it as downright self-serving.
Does this make the idea of forgiveness any less noble?
Often it is difficult to move forward with forgiveness because we are confusing the concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of repetitive thought patterns of hurt or anger. Reconciliation includes forgiveness but also includes the re-establishment of a relationship with the person who caused the hurt or anger. Many people believe that forgiveness requires staying in a relationship with the person. It is possible to forgive without reconciliation, and in some cases, it makes more sense to do so.
Energetically speaking, forgiveness is the cutting of an energetic tie with someone in the past. Time moves on and changes both the perpetrator and the injured person. The person who caused the hurt now no longer exists. Our energetic systems work most dynamically in the present time. When we focus on hurtful past events, our energy drains away to the past. This leaves us feeling sluggish, depressed and exhausted. It also sets the scene for a physical malady. By breaking the unhealthy connection with past events, a wealth of energy is freed up. This energy is used in the present for new relationships, goals and physical well-being.
I recommend this book as a great set of tools for working through forgiveness issues. It is important to remember that when undertaking deep work of this nature to exercise self-compassion and radical self-care. At the risk of sounding maternal, eat well, move your body, sleep well and make that appointment for a massage. If this is selfish, then it’s selfishness of the healthiest kind.
Clear your Space – Recharge your Self – Direct your Life
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