Your bedroom is the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you see when you turn out the lights to go to sleep. It’s where we dress for the day. It’s also where we reconnect with our partner through sex and other physical intimacy.

Folks, we need to talk about the long-term effects of a cluttered bedroom on a committed relationship. And it isn’t a positive one.

When I visit a client’s home to help them set goals for decluttering, I ask a lot of questions about the quality of their life:

• Do you feel like you are moving toward your life goals?
• Do you wake up feeling excited about the day before you?
• How is the quality of your relationships within your family?
• Is your intimate life all that you want it to be?

When I see a bedroom filled with clutter, my clients almost always tell me that their intimate life is not what they hoped it would be. In addition, they complain that they are “too busy” or “too tired” for sex. Sometimes one person is willing to have more sex, but the other partner is not interested. The fire has gone out.

But what has this got to do with clutter?

Because we are spiritual beings living in a physical world, our ties to the physical are very significant. Everything we own (and I mean EVERYTHING) is tied to us energetically. Therefore, your grandmother’s china is tied to you just as securely as the pile of recycling in the garage that you’ve been meaning to do something about. The empty tissue boxes next to the bed are as tied to you as the bed itself. Everything that we consent to be in our home is tied to our energy.

Soft lighting and lush bed linens can transform your bedroom into a boudoir

Keep the bedroom as an inner sanctum. Personally, I do not do anything else in my bedroom except sleep, dress, read a little before bed, and make love. The major reason for this choice is to send the message to the brain: coming in here means that it’s time to get ready for sex or sleeping. Consequently, this choice improves both the quality of sleep as well as the quality of sex.

If the bedroom is set aside for these activities, then clutter becomes a huge energy sink that pulls focus away from what’s important. Hence, it’s hard to get your sexy on with a huge pile of dirty clothes on the floor and piles of junk everywhere you look. It’s a big part of the reason why everyone loves to get away for a night with their lover. They can focus on each other without the distraction of the clutter at home.

So, where do I start?

I’m going to give you eight simple ways to declutter your bedroom for better sex (and better sleep, too). And here’s the trick to supercharge your efforts: Focus your thoughts on the sex life you want to have. Imagine that your intimate life is already exactly what you’ve wanted. Visualize how your next encounter might play out. (Even better if you let yourself get a little hot and bothered with your thought!)

1. Get the junk out (I’m talking about the literal junk, not your partner’s). It’s time to set free things that do not move your life in the direction that you want to go. Does it give you joy? Have you used it in the last year? Does it fit? If the answer is no, then let it go. When the item belongs to your partner, set things aside so that he or she can go through them later. If it has nothing to do with dressing, sleeping or sex, then its presence in the bedroom is suspect.
2. Clean out old sex toys – Let’s talk about your “special drawer” or “the box under the bed”. Outdated condoms, old lube, sex toys that neither of you liked (or that no longer work), vibrators with corroded batteries. This is some serious negative energy in the sex department. Please throw them away and replace them with fresh supplies.
3. Dust bunnies aren’t sexy – not even to rabbits. If there are dust bunnies under your bed, it’s time to kick them to the curb. Vacuum under the bed, especially around side tables and the headboard. If you need to move the bed, but it’s too heavy, try these nifty furniture sliders.
4. Media clutter – turn the TV off. Leave your phone in the other room so that you are not even tempted to look at it when you are getting romantic. I am not a fan of televisions in the bedroom for lots of reasons, but if yours must stay, please turn it off. If your smooth moves soundtrack is on your media device, turn your “do not disturb” feature on. Don’t let interruptions disturb your sexy mojo.
5. New bedding – perhaps a different texture? Change it up with your sheets. Maybe satin or microfiber sheets might feel sexy to you and your partner. How about a new duvet that sends the message that you’ve been thinking about the quality of your time in bed?
6. Atmosphere – not everyone is into rose petals or scented candles. But hey – if those are your thing, then go for it! Maybe a subtle change of lighting would help the room to feel more intimate and cozy. Try lowering the wattage of the bulbs or using a few smaller lamps instead of a harsh overhead light.
7. Make a clean surface with intriguing items laid out, ready to use. Maybe as you were cleaning out that “special drawer” you found something that had been fun in the past. Set it out in plain view. Make sure that your lover will see that you’ve been thinking about him or her in that way. Try putting something out that is suggestive but carries an air of mystery. A single long feather. A blindfold. Be creative and playful.
8. Declutter your action list – do something unexpected, not the “usual”. OK, if you’ve been together any length of time, you know what I’m talking about. You have a list of things that you know your partner likes, and it has become your “sex script”. These go-to things are the result of your trial and error together, but they don’t have to be your entire repertoire. Again, be creative and playful. Click here for an idea for something out of the ordinary for under $20.

Finally, I’d like to acknowledge that clutter is not the only reason that relationships go cold. But I can safely say with authority that it is a contributing factor. It’s also one of the easier issues to change.

I’m cheering you on – go out there and create your boudoir for the purpose of getting down in the best way with the one you love!

Clear your Space – Recharge your Self – Direct your Life

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Christina Laberge

Owner at Wellspring Energyworks

Liturgical Fabric Artist, Composer, Reiki Master Teacher, Space Clearing Consultant, Energetic Better Living Coach - Christina Laberge is living abundantly in the Boston area with her wife, Kelly, her two cats (Tam-Tam and Rosie) and one very cranky parrot (Daisy). She loves choral music, creating fabric art, travel, and riding on the back of a very large Harley motorcycle.

Latest posts by Christina Laberge (see all)

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